I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
