i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
