tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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