sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
