He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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