Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
