dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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