i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
