A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
