How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
