I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
