Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
