I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
