home. puking in laundry basket.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
