he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
