I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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