His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
