There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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