I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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