I wish I could punch you in the face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
