Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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