i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
