My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
