I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
