It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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