I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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