i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
