I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
