I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
