Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
