but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
