if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
