Got a toothbrush?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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