Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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