i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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