Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I believe in your delicious
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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