Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
