Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
