Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
