I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
