Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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