There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
not ubering you a puppy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
