Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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