I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
