it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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