When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
