He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
