Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
