Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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