Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
