Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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